Cook the bacon first.
Fry it until crispy, then set it aside. Try not to eat all of it straight from the pan. (No judgment if you do.)
Prep the veggies.
Chop the potatoes, dice the onion, and mince the garlic. Keep the pieces fairly even so everything cooks nicely.
Load up the crockpot.
Add potatoes, onion, garlic, salt, pepper, and broth to the slow cooker. Give it a quick stir like you know what you’re doing.
Cook low and slow.
Cover and cook on LOW for 6–7 hours or HIGH for 3–4 hours, until the potatoes are fork-tender.
Blend it (a little).
Use an immersion blender to partially blend the soup. You want it creamy but still chunky. If you overblend, it’s not the end of the world—just call it “rustic.”
Add the creamy goodness.
Stir in cream cheese and heavy cream. Watch it melt into pure happiness.
Finish strong.
Crumble in most of the bacon (save some for topping), taste, and adjust seasoning.